Back in December, I turned 25 and ever since, I’ve been in this strange headspace as though I’m stuck in limbo between being a young 20-something with the world at her feet and being on the brink of actual adulthood, and we’re not talking paying bills adulthood, we’re talking starting a family, home renovations and my thirties looming on the horizon. You know, stuff that makes you feel a bit sick and as though your life has quite literally passed between your eyes? That stuff.
Although my life as been a true rollercoaster journey, mentally, I feel as though my mind hasn’t aged since I was about 19-20, so the thought of being 25 makes my brain twinge & squirm. I guess when I was younger and I imagined my adult life, this wasn’t what I was expecting, apart of me expected the transition of teen to adult to be more hard hitting as my mindset to completely change, but that hasn’t been the case. However, now I’m left wondering when that mindset will come and what’s next for me, like where’s the manual and the transition to being in your mid-late twenties? Because I’ll take 10 copies.
In Limbo with ‘Teenage Me’ and ‘Adult Me’
I recently read an article on The Independent, which I found pretty offensive. It described this weird teenage to adulthood limbo as this bizarre stage of being an adult and still getting pocket money and still living the life as a teenager but just in your mid-twenties, and that’s not what I’m talking about. I|t’s not like that at all (and if that is your life, then that’s completely fine too, we all grow and move at different paces)
What I’m talking about is life feeling as though it’s almost flashed between my eyes. I feel as though I’m holding onto my teenage years so tightly because apart of me feels a little bit robbed of them and as though at the time I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have, and now I’m just a wannabe teenager with all the stress as an adult.
Perhaps I’m just an adult in denial, or maybe I’m simply young at heart, but there are some experiences over the last few years that have shaped me into who I am today and completely changed my perspective on life what I want to achieve from it.
Learning To Be Comfortable With Myself
Although the whole world has come to a bit of a standstill over the past year and spending more time on my own hasn’t been a choice that I’ve made, the pandemic made that choice for me, I’m slowly learning to enjoy and like my own company and how to listen & understand myself.
Yes, that may sound bizarre, and I promise I’m not just sat in a room talking to myself. However, there’s been a lot of time for me to come to terms with traumas, losses & lessons learnt over the past years. I think that allowing myself to journal and put things into perspective with what I want (emphasis on the ‘I’) has allowed me to understand myself further.
Although I’m still setting myself goals to grow and progress as a person, I’m also learning that I’m wonderful the way I am. I’m learning not to pick myself apart and simply allow myself to feel what I’m feeling without that strange pressure and need to be liked and put other peoples emotions first.
When they said that your twenties are for learning about yourself and that’s exactly what I’m doing
The Looming Expectations Of Parenthood
Don’t get me wrong; I’m lucky that my parents don’t put pressure on me to start a family just yet. They know that although my partner and I have been together for almost six years, we’re not in the financial situation to even think about bringing another life into the world. Nor do I believe that I’m ready for that at the moment. Still, that strange wave of ‘time could be running out’ is slowly starting to catch the wind, and I realise that this may be a reality for me in a few years.
I absolutely hate that people are made to feel as though once they turn a certain age, they need to start a family. As though our soul purpose is to procreate, no matter what. I think the responsibility of bringing a life into a world can be downplayed at times; just because a person reaches a particular age milestone does not mean that they’re ready for any of that. Some people are born ready to start a family, and some simply are not. Some of my friends are older than I am and don’t have children, and some do, that’s fine. Some of my friends are older than me and don’t want children full stop, that’s fine too, and some of my friends are younger than me and have children and want more, which is perfectly fine.
What I Know Now
One thing about getting older, and being in this weird stage of my life where I’m really reevaluating everything, is that I appreciate my growth and look back at my young, naive self with sympathy. It’s sometimes hard to believe that I’m the same person as I was a few years ago. I was so fragile, like some sort of little bird who wanted to impress everyone by flying, but every time she tried, something knocked her down and she let it defeat her. Apart of me wishes that I knew then, what I know now, however sometimes you have to allow yourself to be naive and innocent to learn about the world, as well as what we want.
I certainly didn’t expect this blog post to be as profound and philosophical as it’s ended up being, but I guess the point that I’m trying to make is that I’m attempting to embrace this weird stage in my life and take it one day at a time. Yes, apart of me still wishes I was a teen and although I know I’m not ready to deep-dive into all things adulthood with a baby on one hip, I will be at some point.
Stay groovy x