We’re half way through the year and what A YEAR 2020 has been. It’s as though the world is on fire, some are helping to put it out and some are simply watching it burn. We’ve started out the decade with a lot on our plates. From the coronavirus outbreak to the BLM protests. Although these issues are big and hard hitting, they’re allowing us all to realise the things that we take for granted, whether that be not being able to see our beloved family & friends, to our white privilege It’s a lot to digest, so I thought I’d reflect some thoughts and feelings, as well as some updates, as I have a lot on my mind currently and my blog is the place in which I allow my thoughts to have their own space.
Working From Home
I’ve been WFH since mid-March now. Which is mental (definitely not the craziest thing to happen this yaar though).
The entire covid-19 outbreak is a lot to comprehend in general, this is something that has never happened in any of our lives. At first, it felt insane that live would never be how it once was, however, it’s been so long now, it’s crazy that for some, life is starting to go back to normal.
All of this has resulted in my mental health being an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. I’m sure for a lot of you, some days you can make it through the day no bother, and some days are just a lot to handle and a lot to even try and comprehend or try to explain. For some of my friends, their workplaces aren’t going back int0 their offices until 2021. This inevitably scares me. I suffer a lot from anxiety in the workplace and sometimes even going into work can be a difficult task. Imagine if that’s the case for the majority of companies and they don’t go back until next year. This fills me with pure fear not going to lie. Imagine what my anxiety could be like after not being in the workplace for almost a year. Getting anxious about being anxious in the future is just my mental health summed up to be honest.
Black Lives Matter
I’m truly aware of my white privilege and appreciated the diverse area in Liverpool that i grew up in. My family has married into different cultures and my beautiful cousins are of a Nigerian and Cypriot heritage. To me this is amazing and beautiful and never in my life would I dream of treating someone differently based on the colour of their skin. It’s bizarre to me that there’s people who would, but at times like this rather than focusing to much on my own thoughts and feelings on the subject, because some people don’t have the same opinions as me and feel the need to bully, hurt and even kill those with a different skin colour to them. I think it’s important to continue to educate myself, sign petitions, emailing my local mp’s and donate where and when I can for the bail of innocent black Americans, to BLM and George Floyd memorial funds.
The past few weeks I’ve really put my heart and soul into educating myself, listening and reading stories of oppression and sharing any of those insightful resources on my social media in the hope that is pushes you all to do the same and educate ourselves on our white privilege and the different ways we can help the Black Lives Matter movement. I know by no means am I perfect or fully educated, but I will do everything I can to support those, I will never live through the hardships that the black community has, I will never understand their experiences fully, but with every bit of my heart, I am empathetic and I am listening and learning. It’s a privilege to be educating myself about Racism, rather than experiencing it throughout my life.
I don’t want any of my thoughts on this to be taken as though I’m making this about me, because it couldn’t be further than that, but any resources and petitions are linked as an highlight on my instagram, in case you want to get involved and educate yourself about the movement.
Appreciating The Small Things
Before lockdown, it was easy to get annoyed by small things and really take for granted every aspect of our lives. Even not waiting in line to go into Tesco is a blessing nowadays, I think for the majority of us this time has taught us not to sweat the small stuff and that it’s quite literally impossible for us to be in control of everything, whether we want to be or not, we don’t have a choice.
This whole experience has made me truly treasure the FaceTime calls with my mum, the fact I have a roof over my head, a job and food in the fridge, to some these are essentials, and to some these are luxuries. I know lockdown & the effects of the virus have been horrific for some, however, in ways it’s a humbling lesson to appreciate the here and now and what we’re lucky to have.
Taking Care Of My Body & Mental Health
The past couple of months have been insane in the sense of the immense highs and lows I’ve had throughout the past few months. Part of me feels as though since March, nothing has happened at all, but then half of me looks at all the things I’ve achieved, all the tears & panic attacks and deep conversations with friends, and I realise that this year has been A LOT in such a small space of time.
When we went into lockdown, I honestly didn’t know how my mental health was going to react (I’m sure anyone with MH problems can agree) it can either go to absolute shit, or you can find some logic and routine within it all. For me, the start of lockdown brought a lot of anxiety (as expected) because the changes were so intense and completely out of my hands. However, I decided to attempt (emphasis on the attempt) to implement a routine that involved running, meditation and looking after myself a little better. It’s been about 12 weeks since I started this and although my mental health hasn’t been perfect, it does make me feel better knowing that I’m still trying to look after my body & mind when the world is absolutely crazy.
Having The Right PEople Around You Can Change Everything
I guess this lesson is similar to appreciating the small things in life, however, the family & friends I have around my at the minute have been the one constant that’s really pulled me through lockdown. I’ve realised that although it’s cliche, everything happens for a reason and the people in your life and here for a reason, whether that be good or bad. I’ve appreciated the text conversations with friends, meeting up for social distanced coffee and just catching up and talk about how we’re feeling. It really is something so small, but it really fills my heart with love & joy.
Over the past year, I’ve found it difficult to let go of past situations that have really affected my mental health whether that be employers or friends, I’ve learnt to let go of what once made me so unhappy. Pulling it through the rest of my life with me and dwelling on the ifs and buts is unhealthy and I can finally say I’m learning to leave it all in the past, where it belongs.
Stay Groovy x