It’s been a while since I’ve spoken about my mental health on here. I usually chat about it on my Instagram stories, simply because it’s instant and those thoughts and feelings are out in the open asap. However, with it being #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek, I thought it would be appropriate to have a little check in with my mind.
Mental Health is so personal and different to each person, so sometimes I do find it a bit difficult to put all of my feelings, emotions and thoughts in to retrospect and attempt to turn it into something helpful or insightful to anyone reading this living with something similar, or people that are wanting to educate themselves on mental health. So, with that said, I do apologise if you finish reading this feeling 10 times more confused, as obviously I’m all talking from personal experience and how I’ve found/dealt with things.
With that little disclaimer out the way, let’s dive into my anxious little mind…
A little Re-Cap
I assume that the majority of you are fairly new here, which is okay! – Get comfy, grab yourself a cuppa, let’s have a chat. But with all of these new followers and readers, a good chunk of you most probably don’t know my anxiety history. I’ve written a couple of blog posts focusing on my mental health background and my experiences with CBT therapy.
If I’m cutting a VERY long story short, I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression since I was 12 years old (for a grand total of 11 years now) the viciousness of it all has came in waves and at points in my life I’ve had to take time off work, get out of relationships and seek help from doctors and therapists in order to get me on the right path to living with my unique little head. If you want to read more in depth, here’s my anxiety story blog post.
My Mental Health Lately…
Recently, I’ve been feeling a little helpless if I’m being 100% honest. I’m currently battling against a lot of stressful situations right now, which is usually when my anxiety and depression is amplified. It’s inevitable that life is going to have its tricky points, as if it doesn’t, than what will we learn from it all? But recently, I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed by everything and I’m the only person who can fix it.
With my boyfriend working away most of the week and we’re currently sorting out a mortgage (or at least I’m attempting to) it’s almost unleashed a lot of emotions towards myself that I’d forgotten about. I’m a sucker for a bit of self hatred, and recently, I’ve been finding it difficult to be me and just deal with myself, never mind anything else that I’ve been having to deal with.
There’s been a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of crying in the shower, but what my time in therapy has taught me, is that this will all past – Even if it doesn’t feel like that at the moment.
Giving Up Does Not Show Weakness.
Who and what you surround yourself with can massively effect your mental health. It’s important to nurture yourself, and although you should care for those around you, you also need to take time for yourself and allow your self to re-cover and reflect in a positive way on at least a weekly basis. There’s days when I just want to spend the day in bed, and this may not even be because my mental health and sparked up, sometimes it’s because so much has happened and I’ve not given my brain time to process it all properly. I can make myself feel so defeated on these days. Usually, these are the days that I can’t make a chose to save my life. I just want to go with the flow and drift through everything and allow my brain to have some breathing space.
Speaking of breathing space though, I think with social media there’s a massive pressure to always be active and always be creating and writing and basically just being constantly present. As if you’re not, then you’re irrelevant. This is just a pile of complete crap. Giving up or having a break shows nothing but strength to me. Whether you’re giving up on a friendship that isn’t working out, or taking a break from your job to sort yourself out, it take more strength to admit you need a break than it does to keep going throughout it all. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for putting yourself first. You do you, boo.
Charity providing support if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.
Phone: 03444 775 774 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5.30pm)
CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)
Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)