We’re not even half-way through 2019 and my goodness, what a year it’s been. I feel as though time has flashed by so quickly and so many things have happened and changed before I even had the chance to take them in and process them. I feel as though I’m finally coming out of the little funk that I’ve been in (or so I think so) and in order to process everything and reflect on everything, I thought I’d share what’s been going on, what I’ve learnt and in true Kylie Jenner style, how I’ve ‘like, realised things’, you know?
I think as humans, we need change to allow us to grow and mould into better people, therefore, I’ve always been open to change, whether I’ve liked it or not. It’s all apart of life and 9 times out of 10, something that seems like the end of the world at one point, won’t make that much of a difference or impact you in how you originally anticipated.
Growth Isn’t Always Linear
Something that I remind myself, most probably on a weekly basis, is the fact that growth and progression isn’t always linear. Sometimes life just moves sideways, sometimes you take a step back, and sometimes you leap forward. However, no matter what direction you move in, at least you’re moving and learning.
At many points throughout the past 2 years, and especially over the past 5 months. I’ve felt as though everything has really came to a head and crashed down on me. As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, I was jobless at the start of the year, which had a real domino effect on my life and mental health. Now, I’m VERY luckily in a job that I love and surrounded by so many likeminded co-workers, I really do think I’ve drew the lucky straw, however, it took me a long time to see it all that way.
The previous job I was in made me miserable, to the point where I couldn’t even leave my flat in order to go to my job, I felt worthless, paranoid and unappreciated – Without sounding like a drama queen, it was drastically effecting my personal life and overall quality of life. The last time I left that place, I felt so uncertain as to what my next step was going to be, I had a handful of job interviews lined up and pretty much all the hope in the world that I’d come out the other side in a better place.
Although the job I’m currently in isn’t a step up in terms of money, it’s a huge step up in terms of my happiness and mental health. Although on paper, it looks as though I’ve simply taken a side step, In my eyes, I’ve moved forward more than anyone would ever know.
Take Time For Yourself
Although I love me a face mask and some TLC. I very often focus on myself mentally. Usually when I’m going to sleep, I over analyse my conversations with people and basically convince myself I’m an idiot and that no-one likes me. I basically spend a lot of my time thinking of other people and putting them first, when in reality, I shouldn’t be focusing on what they think because I can never change that, nor should it effect how I see and think about myself.
I think there’s this massive pressure for ‘self love’ and to have time for ‘self care’ but in the adult word where self care consists of having an early night and switching to sweetener instead of 47 sugars in your tea to keep you awake during the day, it can be more stress to dedicate time to pamper yourself. I’ve been taking time for myself in a few alternative ways, such as listening to a headspace sleep cast before going to bed, this helps me to drift off to sleep with less thoughts loitering around my brain. As well as that I’ve been attending 3 6am PT sessions a week, as I 100% think that a good work out routine has a huge knock on effect on your stress levels.
You Win Some, You Lose Some
I was brought up to never quit and to always try my best at everything I do. I’m a middle child after all and failure was never really an option for me, I felt as though I’ve always had to prove myself (which is obviously down to low self esteem, but w/e) 2019 has taught me that failure is not a defeat. I’ve had SO many set backs this year and I’ve learnt that you just need to stand back up, lift your head high, be thankful for the experience and move on with your life.
Sometimes when we lose things, whether it be opportunities, friends or jobs, we tend to almost mourn things that where never there or things that wouldn’t have even worked in the first place, that’s okay, but sometimes you need a small spark of realisation to see that just because you think you’ve missed out on something, doesn’t mean that you actually have. You win what you’re suppose to win and you lose what you really don’t need in your life. Although it’s hard to see, I guess life has a plan for us, we just have to attempt to navigate it in the direction we want to go in. Life’s about learning and growing and how the hell do you do that if everything is handed to you and everything always works out?
It’s Okay To Be Real
With Instagram pretty much taking over the world, there’s this massive pressure to live the perfect life and look perfect and radiate positivity, rainbows and unrealistic expectations.
Over the past few months I feel as though I’m becoming more and more comfortable with being real on social media. In ‘real life’ I’m a very open and honest person and although I’ve never been dishonest on social media or my blog, however, I’m a lot more open with sharing what I’m up to and how I’m feeling.
For example; Last week I opened up about chub rub on my instagram stories and I can’t even express how many people opened up to be about it, although I did it without thinking and just wanted to air a grievance that I had with myself, It really did feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders after I opened up about this little issue. Little things like this just remind me that being open, honest and transparent just feels so much better than pretending to be something that I’m not. I’m not an instagram baddie, I’m me, and that’s all that matters.
Adulting? Did you mean the most stressful thing ever?
Back in my childhood, I think I mentally skipped my 20’s. I planned my life from going to university and then skipped to having a house and a family. Little young me, completely skipped ahead of the whole ‘what-the-fuck-is-my-life’ stage that is your 20’s. However, everything you go through in your 20’s is so crucial to your life. Although at times I’ve broken down and cried with stress and I’ve had to go through so much even though I don’t feel old enough to deal with it, I know deep down that your grow through what you go through and although sometimes adulting can be a royal pain in the ass, it’s shown me that I’m stronger than what I think.
Until next time x