Life doesn’t always go to plan and the people we surrounded ourselves with or encounter throughout or lives don’t always treat us how we would like to be treated or even deserve to be treated. Over the past few months, I’ve encountered a handful of sour sorts that I haven’t really known how to respond too. I suppose maybe I was brought up naive in the way that I treat everyone with as much kindness and compassion as I possibly can, obviously, I’m not perfect and sometimes I do have to bite my tongue and count to ten before I react to a situation but I’m learning how to be the better person and turn those lemons into something sweet because as the saying goes, when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, right?
It Doesn’t Always Go To Plan
Everyone would prefer to have life go their way and have all of their plans and dreams blossom into everything you could ever imagine, however, life looks and your plans and laughs at them. Because we’re just players in the treacherous game called life (v cheesy but the ultimate truth!)
I’m the type of person who always plans ahead, I like to be organised and know where I’m heading and what I’m doing, the truth is, I’m a control freak. Whenever I go to bed at night, I plan out how I want the following day to go right down to the things I’ve going to say when I arrive at work, I’m aware that this is ridiculous, however, if it allows me to feel more conformable in social situations, then I suppose I’ve just got to give myself that comfort. With this, comes the issue that when plans change and people act differently to how I had imagined, my brain almost completely shuts off and I have no idea how to react – Please don’t tell me this only happens to me…
Usually when something like this happens, I write it down and do what my therapist calls ‘problem solving’ which in a nutshell, is generating various ways I can deal with a problem and deciding on which is the best outcome for that issue. For example if someone was rude to me or was treating me in a way that wasn’t all that nice, I would create various scenarios on how I would deal with that problem, for example would I confront them or would I treat them in the same way they had been treating me?
Kindness Is The Answer
I’m a very compassionate an empathetic person and sometimes that can be viewed as a weakness, it’s almost like a gateway for people to walk all over me, which obviously in my eyes and I’m sure yours, that’s not how you should treat people. I suppose in some peoples eyes, I’m the person that wouldn’t retaliate to a situation, simply because I have to go home and think about it before I react, that’s just how my brain works I suppose. Obviously, in work situations when I need to think on my feet and make good decisions in a short amount of time, I will get in my work headspace and do what I need to do in order for things to run as smoothly as possible, because ultimately working me has a completely different thought process. However, over the past few months I’ve learnt that no matter what situation I’m in whether it be working or social, the best outcome to everything is to treat a situation or a person with kindness, no matter how they might be treating you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying let people walk all over you because I deal with that on a daily and it’s not great for anyones self confidence. Let me explain this a little better and let me create a little scenario that being kind could be very beneficial in…
Example: Somebody Being Rude Towards You
When somebody is rude to you, you can instantly retaliate and throw their rudeness back at them, thus creating a bad vibe, you then go home and spread this negativity to you mum or you partner, as naturally if there’s been a conflict, we go home and talk about how rude that person was to us. However, if you where to speak kindly back to that person and treat them how you wish they where treating you, 1) you’ll make the person being rude feel like a bit of a dick for being rude 2) you’re spreading a positivity and could potentially put the a stop to that particular persons negativity.
I understand that this mantra may not relate to every situation and sometimes it’s relevant to fight fire with fire or whatever else the kids are saying these days. Sometimes It’s helpful to react to issues with a more positive retrospect. If you’re familiar with ‘The Secret’ and The Law Of Attraction, then you will be aware of the whole ‘negativity breathes negativity’ statement, which basically means if you’re negative about something to someone, than that negativity breathes on into their life and they will be negative about something to someone else, the trail of negativity just spreads, which just isn’t good for anyone involved now is it? I’ve learnt that I’d much rather spread positivity than retaliating with someone else’s negativity, or letting a bad situation fill my head with negative thoughts.
Sometimes life doesn’t just give you lemons, it completely pelts them towards you when you’re not even paying attention, it can be tough going don’t get me wrong and I’ve spent a lot of my life allowing myself to be brought down by the negative situations and people that surround me, but it’s so important to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and at least try and spread some positivity. Sometimes it’s hard to swallow the negative words and emotions, however, I’ve actually found it so much easier to remain in a positive mind frame when I don’t allow small inconveniences and unkind comments from people I couldn’t care less about affect me. The best thing you can do is to kill them with kindness, after all at the end of the day, it will be them who will feel like a bit of a dick (pardon my french) when you respond to them kindly.
I’d love to know if any of you have tips for how you stay positive with a situation is getting to you, share the positive vibes with us!
Love, A x