Self-doubt and being your own worst enemy are some of the worst traits to have and lucky me is pleased with both of them. I’ve basically got an optimistic attitude about everything, except if it involves myself. Some people would perhaps call it modesty, which is obviously somewhat admirable, you know when people don’t see how well they’re doing, however, in my case and I’m sure in a lot of other peoples cases, any of my achievements are riddled with self-doubt and the idea that “I don’t deserve this’ no matter how hard I may have worked.
As you may know, if you’ve read any previous posts regarding mental health/life, my self-confidence isn’t exactly sky high, which naturally results with self-doubt, whether it be about how I’m doing in life, or about my appearance. It’s a battle that I’ll never win, however, I’m attempting to take a little time to appreciate myself and my achievements.
SWEET ACHIEVEMENTS SPRINKLED WITH SELF-DOUBT…
When it comes to sitting back and thinking “I’ve done well there” and giving myself a pat on the back, it’s usually when I’ve made a good cake, not going to lie. However, over the past few months and many conversations with my mother and boyfriend, I really do doubt myself and every achievement is always littered with doubt and anxiety of whether I actually deserve to appreciate myself. Which admittedly sounds absolutely ridiculous, but even when I graduated I didn’t feel proud of myself, despite doing really well. I just sort of went through the day feeling ‘meh’ I just wasn’t sure how to feel. Obviously, I was somewhat happy, I’d graduated from university and it was though in all seriousness. I was littered with doubt of whether I deserved praise, I was doubtful about whether I’d done the right degree and I was doubtful about what my future had to hold.
Fast forward two months, all of that doubt was turned into a bizarre thought. I mean in that space in time, I’ve been through a lot but we won’t go into that. BUT I’ve actually bagged my dream job. Which I still have to pinch myself and even when I sit at my desk, I sit there and think “Do you reckon they’ve hired me by mistake?” once again, an utterly stupid thought. Part of me is shouting “YOU’RE DOING WELL, APPRECIATE IT” and part of me is shouting “IT COULD ALL GO TERRIBLY WRONG!” Completely ridiculous, right?
HOW I’M LEARNING TO CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK
After many conversations with friends, family and basically anyone I’ve vented my feelings to, I’ve been firmly told that I need to be proud of myself. Which I’m making a conscious effort to do so. I’m attempting to enjoy these times of achievement because after all, these achievements can lead to other achievements and if I continue to have a negative attitude and doubt myself, I’m not going to get anywhere because my negative attitude can only hold me back.
SHOP THE LOOK
A huge thank you to the wonderful Lauren for these amazing photos & for making me look like a sassy gal about town. Be sure to follow her instagram here