Firs of all, if you’ve realised that the post title is a rendition of Elvis’ ‘Satisfaction’ then you’re in mu good books. It probably didn’t work as well as my 11:25pm mind anticipated but let’s just pretend that it did.
It’s currently the evening of Christmas. I’m not too sure whether or not it’s come to your realisation that I stopped doing Blogmas. Maybe you care, maybe you don’t, but if you do then I hope that you respect my current circumstances. If you kept up to date with my Blogmas posts you’ll know that they began to become really negative and quite personal and emotional. I tend to shy away from sharing my emotions on things like this, especially considering anyone can read this. From my previous Blogmas posts it was clear that my Great Granddad was critically ill, and I’m absolutely heartbroken and devastated to say that he passed away on the 16th December.
In the past few days that he was with us I did my usual routine of going to University and working my part time job, as well as posting my blogmas post in the evening. However writing blogmas posts wasn’t on my list of priorities when it came to spending my final moments with my beloved granddad. I promised myself that I would complete blogmas, but the posts where becoming more and more emotional as the final days grew near for my granddad.
I’ve never had to deal with a death in my adult life, so this is a unknown feeling to me and I’ve learned that i’m quite certainly an ‘in denial’ griever. There’s something in my the bag of my mind telling me that it all can’t be true, I just don’t believe that this has happened. Overtime that I’ve missed someone, they’ve always came back, but this time obviously that can’t happen. I’m not going to go into too much detail about how I feel about this all as I don’t want to upset myself as I’m trying to occupy my mind to avoid it as I’m emotionally drained to say the least.
2014 has been a disappointing year, although there’s been some amazing memories made, it didn’t end well and that’s put the really crappy icing on the moderate cake of 2014. I’m hoping that 2015 will be a much better year, although my handsome little granddad won’t be here, he’d hate for me to not be living my life. I have mildly high hopes for 2015 and it’s a year in which I really want to push my blog further and further and just start living life the way that my great granddad lived 91 years on this earth with so much to show for.
I love you Granddad, you’re forever in my heart, and I’ll always be your girl.